Some things to consider:

1. Dogs are not smart. They posses no intelligence or personality of any kind. Evidence of this can be attributed too the following, and ONLY, canine emotions: Hungry and Stupid. A dog is not "Man's Best Friend" -- mine sure as hell isn't. Because MY best friend doesn't bark for forty five minutes every time the doorbell rings or stick his nose in the crotch of EVERY girl I bring home. I refuse to be Rover's sloppy seconds, and so should you.

2. Every time I watch poker on ESPN, I wonder: "Are these people ugly by coincidence or is that just their poker face?"

3. After the Giants won the Super Bowl, I pictured Ashton Kutcher running out onto the podium with a camera and yelling "You just got punk'd!" and taking the trophy away from Eli Manning and giving it Tom Brady. Then Eli cries. I laughed.

4.
(Think about it)

5. Point number 3 really wasn't that funny. I promise to do better next time.